20-year-old New York City woman demands her 25-year-old boyfriend "take her" trick-or-treating for Halloween, starts an argument when he refuses: 'I suggested another very popular event [...] but she is adamant [about] trick-or-treating'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 31, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Maturity and differing expectations caused things to come to a head between this couple when a 20-year-old woman demanded that her 25-year-old boyfriend take her trick-or-treating on Halloween.

As we age, we have to come to the point where we accept that there are certain things that are no longer accessible to us. One day, you're a kid who random old ladies stop to coo over and tell you "how handsome" you are, and the next you're just another dude, and it has been years since a stranger addressed you directly, let alone paid you a compliment, for any reason. And you have come to accept that jumping off anything, and even getting out of bed in the morning, are things that could cause life-altering injuries. 

It's not that you have to age out of celebrating or having fun; no one really wants a grown-grass adult showing up on their doorstep late at night and knocking on their door and demanding things from them. It's cute when it's a baby dressed as a pumpkin, but not so much when it's a 6-foot-tall man with a beard dressed like Pippi Longstockings. 

Unfortunately, by the time I was 12 years old, I was already around 6 feet tall, and this presented problems for me on multiple occasions due to my man-sized body being run by my child-sized brain. I specifically remember the year that I dressed as a Nazgul from The Lord of the Rings, of which the hood of the costume covered my very apparent baby face, and I had multiple adults pointing out that I was "too old" to trick-or-treat. I was pretty shy and didn't bother to correct them often, but would occasionally point out the fact that I was actually still a child, which would be met with incredulous looks and a reluctant offering of their bowl of candy.

In a similar vein, I had other experiences, such as the time my friends and I once had the cops called while we were playing tag in the woods at the end of the cul-de-sac in the neighborhood where I lived, because the neighbors thought there was an adult man chasing children around in the forest. But that's a story for another time. 

I'm the accusations of being "too old" to trick-or-treat were leveled at me at an even younger age, so the concept of trick-or-treating was something that I was painfully aware of from a young age. It never really stopped me from doing it; I still enjoyed hanging out with cousins and friends, but it certainly lurked as an anxiety at the back of my mind every time we went up to knock on someone's door.

I don't think trick-or-treating needs to have a hard-set age limit, and certainly, the spirit of the season isn't something you should ever feel like you need to age out of. But, at 20, I think you are a bit old to be going around demanding that your significant other "take you" trick-or-treating like they're your parent, when you're a grown woman yourself and your significant other is a 25-year-old man. At that point, you should probably be doing what every other adult does on Halloween: attending costume parties or sitting at home watching Harry Potter for the umpteenth time. 

Certainly, this disagreement between this young couple reeks of immaturity, and even goes to show, I think, the vast difference in levels of maturity that people often have at 20 years old versus just 5 years older at 25. While you can say what you want about age gaps, I know I absolutely would have been high-tailing it after this if I were him.

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  • 01

    "AITA for not wanting to take my 20 yr old GF trick or treating as a 25 yr old man"

    Title pretty much says it all. It's last second and neither of us really have any elaborate costumes or anything, probably just going to do some makeup and decorate cardboard props. Personally not super comfortable with the idea because while she's pretty small and is cute enough to get a pass, I'm a big dude and the idea of someone opening their door to me and no children just sounds humiliating.
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  • 02
    A young woman dressed in a cheetah costume in the New York subway
    via Manoj Kulkarni

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    I don't want to be a buzzkill and I suggested us going to another very popular event where we can still do costumes and be out for the night, but she is adamant on trick-or- treating specifically. She's not forcing me or anything but whats the AITA opinion here on me not wanting to do that at 25. Should I loosen up or is it ridiculous for her to even ask me? I don't know. I've still got time to go back on my decision but I can't make heads or tails of it. I certainly feel guilty for saying no bu
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  • 04
    In summary: turned down the only thing my girlfriend wanted to do for Halloween because I thought it would be humiliating for me. might make me an asshole because many people share the opinion that age is irrelevant on these sorts of things, and that I should be more open- minded. I think the night belongs to
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  • 05
    the children, and that adults/older teenagers are better off going to parties or parades or handing out candy to make it more enjoyable (and less intimidating) for the young ones. I am in NYC and there is a fair amount of halloween crime that goes on here so I take no personal offense to people being concerned about me at first glance.
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  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I turned down the only thing my girlfriend wanted to do for Halloween because I thought it would be humiliating for me. I think that might make me an asshole because many people share the opinion that age is irrelevant on these sorts of things,
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  • 07
    and that I should be more open- minded. I think they might be the asshole because I think the night belongs to the children, and that adults/older teenagers are better off going to parties or parades or handing out candy to make it more enjoyable (and less intimidating) for the young ones.
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  • 08
    A young woman hangs her head while holding a carved pumpkin jack o' lantern
    via Remy_Loz

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    catskilkid Trick or treating at houses is for children. Obviously its fun to dress up and take your kids (or family or close friends) BUT having a 20yo be the REASON you are going house to house for free candy is immature and it cheapens the event for the kids. Want to go to a fun Halloween Party for adults and there will be candy.... GREAT. But leave the kids to be kids. Your GF sounds VERY immature to be pushing this WITHOUT a child of significance in tow. NTA
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  • 10
    Few_Acadia7686 Let her go trick or treating while you stand back on the sidewalk and pretend to be her parent. Make it weird all around!
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  • 11
    obtusewisdom Trick or treating is for kids. If you're out of high school, time to do other things that don't involve scamming candy you can afford to get yourself. I would be super pissed if I ran out of candy for kids because a bunch of adults were trick or treating.
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  • 12
    hollowl0g1c NTA. This is weird. She's 20, she should not be trick or treating. And neither should you. Go to a party like normal 20-somethings
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  • 13
    grammarlysucksass NTA. This might be the European in me and maybe I'm hating outside the club but I think trick or treating for adults is bizarre. Halloween should be fun for both of you and I feel like there are plenty of fun activities you can compromise with that don't involve grown adults begging for candy. If she's seriously that desperate surely she has a friend she can go with rather than forcing you into it.
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